I know - I know! You have seen a huge focus from me on toxic circumstances. But all things work together for a greater good-and sometimes certain people at certain life stages do not work well. Very much oil and water-they don’t mix!
Here is where the confusion begins to set in-how can something/someone that seemed good or seemed needed be so bad for you. (Well, honestly it was a superficial want…) Then I came across a quote that made it all seem, just a bit clearer “you cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick.” You must move out of your current circumstance - check out my previous post of Freedom Aint Easy.
I have been in some text book toxic environments, however by the grace of God to decided enough was enough. What makes freedoms and growth so hard is that the same things we thought we loved, masked in a beauty; are rotting us from the inside. Unfortunately, we often don’t realize it until after we have gotten to close-sometimes too close to easily get away. Avoiding and dismissing all the signs of decay and despair; we try to fix or work with something that is well beyond our abilities.
Ironically, I believe that this type of circumstances tends to like to attract a person that glows from the inside. Because ultimately, the circumstance is seeking to growth and the glow, however it does not possess those qualities. So, the second-best option is to take it from someone that already does.
The beauty, light, and joy that you possess, overtime they will dim. Slowly taking away all the traits that others love best about you. Creating a decay inside of you-until you look in the mirror one day and don’t recognize yourself. I had to accept that I am not a rehabilitation center and I cannot expand my physical, mental and emotional energies on fixing. When the fixing - starts as predisposition of internal condition.
P.S. I tell you this because it seems as though no one ever talks about their failures. We only see there highlight reels on the internet, but I consider myself to be more of an open book. TRUST me - I have gotten some things so terribly wrong! Call a spade a spade.
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