We are all guilty of it, we are all guilty of giving someone the ability to control our thoughts and our feelings, in a very counter productive way. Giving up our God given level of influence over the circumstance and the course of our lives, sometimes in the immediate future and sometimes for the long term. We do this in the workplace, through unproductive conflict and toxic working relationships, and in our personal lives. We allow people who should not have control over our emotions and thoughts to gain that control and manipulate us into a bad circumstance. I was recently listening to Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter” and the below hook of the song stood out to me:
"How could this man I thought I knew, Turn out to be unjust so cruel, Could only see the good in you, Pretended not to see the truth, You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself, Through living in denial, But in the end you'll see, You-won’t-stop-me"
What we should always guard against is allowing someone to have, possess, gain so much influence and control over us. This is not the positive influence and encouragement (that form of lifestyle has to starts from within the individual), this is a highly detrimental and destructive form of control. For example, there was a point in my life when I allow a few people to determine my value and my worth, in a very negative way. Again, let me repeat that, I allowed a few people the ability to determine MY value and worth. I allowed this through their actions and through their words. However, the best part about having gone through this circumstance in my history is that now I know what it feels like - I can see it coming a mile away. (This has been extremely beneficial personally and professionally) I now can see myself getting bated into a conversation or into a situation that I choose not to be involved in.
What really makes us so special as humans for free choice is that we are all capable of choosing how we respond to our circumstance. Further we also have the choice of determining who we want to be a part of our "circle of trust." The people we ultimately call upon during times of need (I keep my circle pretty small). Our response to circumstances and situations is very much learned, however, this responses ultimately determines the direction of our lives. So, even during the low and difficult points, count it all as joy, because we are gaining something from it.
"Makes me that much stronger, Makes me work a little bit harder, It makes me that much wiser, So thanks for making me a fighter, Made me learn a little bit faster, Made my skin a little bit thicker, Makes me that much smarter, So thanks for making me a fighter"