Tuesday, July 28, 2020

First Time for Firsts

Life is so full of first. First steps. First Home. First Car. First Love. First Day of School. I know I haven’t been blogging as much. I have been so busy with life that sitting down and doing what I love has not been a priority like it should have been. However, there have been some significant changes in my life over the past 90 days (more to come on those). So many firsts! First steps in new directions. I won’t go into a lot of details just yet, as I am still drafting this part of my life that I have neglected. 


The irony is that all the firsts in life have been lessons learned, both sweet and sour. But what I find most fascinating about this is as I talk to people about my life, I actually see that they project their own fears onto me. Statements like “you’re so brave,” or “I could never do that,” or “isn't that scary?” But let’s be honest first are not scary. They’re terrifying. I once read a quote that I loved: “feel the fear and do it anyway.” When I read this quote, I was in a very safe place. It is so easy for me to take heed of those antidotal sayings when you’re not in that state of mind. But when a decision must be made, and there is fear about the possible outcomes. How do you react?

 

I am not asking anyone to be on my journey of life. But I have found relative success in firsts (and framing it as an opportunity). I have found that in my life, I have taken the chance. It is kind of build into who I am. I always knew that with any real reward, this there risks. And the two, risk and reward, walk side-by-side, dancing a decisive dance around you, waiting to see how you react. I have made some decisions in the past several months, like 10 months, that have led to this very moment in time when I am still learning to accept the fear and embrace the first. The fear of moving me and my girls to North Little Rock. The fear of putting myself out there to meet new people. The fear of new roles and responsibilities as I grow in my career. The fear of leaving an employer of 8 years to see what else the world has to offer. The fear of falling in love again.

 

Feel the fear and do it anyway – they say… I cannot make anyone take the first step in a new direction. Or to travel the path less taken, but I can say from my own experience that with every step and with every first, it gets a bit easier. I am not saying that the steps get less “scary,” but I have learned to feel the fear and do it anyway. We all know that we have to take risks to receive the reward. If I frame this in a biblical context, faith, in and of itself is a risk – but what do you have to lose? Nothing really. But you do have the whole world to gain. I must say, these past few months have not been easy, but the feelings I am feeling are very real. For the first time in life, I am learning at a deeper level. I am allowing myself to let go, and live by faith and firsts, one day at a time. To let go of control and live first. To choose the necessary good of peace over unease and stress. But to feel the fear that comes with all those firsts and do it anyway.

 

Thank you for rocking with me – always!


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