Monday, November 11, 2019

Thoughts to My Past: Pain

This series has been so amazing to me, it has been some of my most-read posts consistently. But most importantly, it has allowed me to reflect on my life and my strengths and weakness, to guard my heart, soul, and mind - most important to grow in faith and life. But I must say, y'all really like hearing about the tough times, but strangely enough, I love writing about them. So let's get into this... 

And now I'm glad I didn't know  
The way it all would end the way it all would go  
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain  
But I'd have to miss the dance  
- Garth Brooks: The Dance 

If I could write myself a letter at 17 & 23 years old (ask me privately why I chose those years of my life...) this is what it would say to me, as an "adult." The focus of this letter is pain, the bad kind of pain - emotional pain. Not the my 32-year-old arthritic knees hurt or I pushed just a little too hard in yoga or cardio pain. But the can't get out of bed, can't think clearly, and it hurts everywhere kind of hurt. The emotional pain that leaves deep invisible scars that we manage to hide or mask from the world.  How did I learn, and still learning to handle it and how do I, in time, shake it off; to continue to see the amazingly imperfect beauty of the world. 


Oh, young girl don't cry, I'll be right here when your world starts to fall... I wish so badly I could hug you and tell you all the amazing experiences that you will have in life. That this moment in time, is just that, a moment. There are so many amazing things to look forward too, and as the wise people say, "this too shall pass." Because self-doubts are real!

They don't call them growing pains for no reason!

I am writing you this letter as a 32-year-old woman, who has felt the highest highs of life and the lowest lows of life. But, trust me, we ALL have! You are no different than the next person, we all feel joy and pain.  We would not appreciate the joy if we didn’t have the pain. And sometimes, looking back, a little bit of pain is a good thing. However, we have learned biologically that emotional pain is processed by our brains the exact same way that physical pain is processed. 

The problem is that we never know just what someone is going through because you will find that the invisible scars of pain are easily masked.  (Just as you have masked yours, via your car, house, clothing, bags, make-up, social media presences). However, what you have learned as an evolving and growing woman is that only time truly heals some of those deep wounds. There will always be some of those moments that will continue to hurt deeply and may take you years to recover from - if ever. 

As you have grown you have accepted that it is "ok" to share your pain - in fact, it is quite normal. As a leader, it makes you real to all those around you. But more important, it allows others to come to you for support and for you to get the heavyweight of carrying pain off your shoulders. Also, in sharing of your pain, (the whole reason I blog, it is an outlet for all the random things in my head) it allows you to become self-reflective enough to understand the root cause of your pain and address similar patterns of pains prior to them leaving a scar. You know, it is the difference between needing a band-aid and stitches. 

God speaks to us in our grief. It is often in our darkest moments that we are most aware of His Spirit. -She Reads Truth

Past Letters to Me:
Upcoming Letters to Me:
  • Fear
  • Faith
  • Love

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